For over ten years now, I am aware of my mental health issues. Being German and absolutely against pills, especially from America, it was and is a rocky journey. The medication I was given in the States, turned my life around though; I had to accept the facts. I was able to concentrate better and minimize the ups and downs bipolar dictates. The consequences of eliminating the medication, or when they fail, are penciled into my creative journal “Little Old Techno Lady”.

Upon my return to Germany, I wanted a German physician to re-evaluate my conditions. Maybe, I thought, they can treat with less powerful yet effective pharmaceuticals. Adderall, Abilify, Diazepam, and then some, are not to take lightly, I know.

Well, I was in for a big surprise. After three months without my meds, the first doctor I saw suggested stationary treatment and detox. Detox! What am I missing here? Didn’t my liver & kidney detox just fine in the three months? With the exception of unrest and the feeling of being cold, I have no other major withdrawal symptoms to report. The next psychiatrist took ten minutes out of his busy day to continue the Abilify, substituting the Oxcarbazepine with Valproic Acid, adding a low dose of Promethazine, leaving out the ADD medication entirely, and wishing me a good day while pushing me out the door. He is the expert, I thought, so I was trying hard to keep balance with his medication plan and no talk.

Here is a good moment to throw in some keywords I heard from family and friends, all of which, will no longer trust me as I am labeled as someone insane. None of them, either read about my conditions, believe them, or ask about them. It’s just labeled away, according to their own belief system. I wasn’t even allowed to drive a car. The fact, that you can function quiet well in society with medication, is also seen negatively, simply because of the drugs.

Keywords:

- I was and/or am drinking too much alcohol

- My conditions are made up by money hungry Americans

- I just need some rest

- I have to try harder

- I have to make better decisions

When it was time to find a new source of income and I needed to spend a prolonged period of time on the computer again, the ADD became unbearable. I opened the job pages, looked at the headings, and 20 seconds later, I did the dishes. Back to the computer, all trying harder, I finished half an application. Next thing I know, I’m gardening, thinking about the half finished application. That loser feeling kicked in, so I washed my hands, and sometimes, indeed, managed to finish a submission. Rejection emails flowed in, but the meds kept the negativity mostly away.

During the next doc appointment, I inquired about ADHD meds available in Germany. I pointed out the benefits of Adderall and that pharmacies can make it with a prescription. I was immediately labeled as an addict fishing for drugs. At my age, mind you! The fact, that I never got addicted as I did not take it on weekends, did not matter to him. He, too, suggested stationary treatment as this, he said, is the only way to get a diagnosis in Germany. I thought about my diagnosing American doctor, who was able to figure me out during a ninety-minute interview. I was also thinking about the many children being fed Amphetamines and why it is so hard for adults to get. After all, we have to work, we have to be polite and respectful, we have to meet requirements, and we have to produce results. Not only in America are you judged by your belongings and success.

I received a low dose of a drug in the same class as the Adderall. It helped me tremendously, so I’m not complaining. I just wonder why society is convinced that there is something wrong with us. Here are words from a German bipolar center (Deutsche Gesellschaft für Bipolare Störungen e.V.), I wish my squad would read:

Bipolar disorder

Everybody has ups and downs. We dislike unjust criticism and love recognition. Those are normal reactions to everyday life. Individuals with bipolar, however, go through these emotions largely amplified and act based on their current phase, either in mania or depression.

The disorder not only affects mood and motivation but also thinking, feeling, and the ability of dealing with life. It’s a disease just like a heart condition or diabetes. The condition is neither their fault nor does it mean a weak personality. It’s treatable and can affect everyone.

Bipolare Störungen

Jeder Mensch hat bei sich selbst bestimmt schon Stimmungsschwankungen festgestellt. Wir ärgern uns, wenn wir zu Unrecht gerügt werden oder freuen uns über ein Lob. Diese Stimmungsveränderungen sind ganz normale Reaktionen auf entsprechende Lebenssituationen und ein wesentlicher Bestandteil unseres täglichen Lebens. Im Gegensatz dazu kommt es bei Menschen, die an Bipolaren Störungen leiden, zu völlig übersteigerten Stimmungsschwankungen und Aktivitäten.

Bipolare Störungen betreffen aber nicht nur die Stimmung und Antrieb, sondern haben auch Auswirkungen auf unser Denken, unsere Gefühle, unseren Körper und unsere Fähigkeit zur Lebensbewältigung. Patienten, die an einer Bipolaren Störung leiden, sind genauso „krank“ wie Menschen mit einem Herzleiden oder Diabetes. Die Erkrankung ist weder ihre eigene Schuld, noch haben die Betroffenen eine schwache Persönlichkeit. Bipolare Störungen sind behandelbare Erkrankungen, die jeden von uns treffen können.

Yes, it can affect anyone. Why else would a physician first inquire about major life events, such as deaths in your family or traumatizing events?

If you are not personally affected by mental health issues but come across it, here are some tips:

- Treat the other as equal

- Do not assume things

- Read about their condition and ask questions

- Hear them out and ask if you don’t fully understand something

- Engage the other in every way you can

- Keep communication frequent and open

- Inquire about challenges

- Ask what kind of help would be most beneficial before you just do as you seem fit

- When you provide solutions, ask them, don’t dictate them

- Forgive, motivate & counterbalance